*** ORBUSMAX GUEST OP/ED ***

Stupid Conservatives! By Jon Eekhoff

April 29, 2004

I'm not sure where I read or heard the saying, "Not all conservatives are stupid, but all stupid people are conservative," but it brings up an interesting point about how conservatives are viewed by liberals.

We liberals like to think of ourselves as progressive thinkers, as problem solvers, as people of good taste and refinement, whereas conservatives are stupid, money-grubbing scum. Liberals can see the gray areas of an issue, while conservatives see only black and white and are too stupid to see the gray. Liberals view issues globally, while conservatives are just concerned with themselves and their interests and are too stupid to see how that viewpoint damages the world. Liberals are nice and conservatives are mean.

Look at the last three Republican presidents: George W. = dummy, George Sr. = nitwit, Ronald Reagan = space cadet. When was the last time we had someone who was both conservative and intelligent leading our country? If you listen to liberals there has never been an intelligent, conservative president. If we liberals are so smart how did we fall into this trap?

Being stupid and playing stupid are two different things. Being stupid is the only way liberals can explain conservatives, but I believe conservatives have become the blonde bimbo of political thinking and being a blonde bimbo has its advantages when it comes to political discourse.

"Dumb" conservatives are able to paint their ideas with broad, sloppy strokes, they don't have to explain details or understand nuances. "Smart" liberals are forced to paint exactly and with great detail, and because we are so "smart" we think we can. It is this thinking that gets us in trouble. Soon our leaders are trying to define "is" or are trying to explain the difference between medals and ribbons. Conservatives broadly paint these uncomfortable explanations as lies and have already won the argument. As long as liberals continue to view conservatives as IQ-challenged we will be on the defensive rhetorically. One of the key elements in winning a debate is framing the discourse, by allowing conservatives to frame the debate we are put on the defensive and are forever explaining our point, while conservatives are never forced to explain their ideas.

Being outsmarted by people considered dumb hurts too much to admit, but it is time to face facts; conservatives have outsmarted us when it comes to winning the heart of the average American. One would think that the issues most important to middle and lower income Americans would be the same issues Democrats represent and therefore Democrats should win each local, state and national election. Well, for some reason Democrats don't win.

I think the liberal problem is a problem of hubris. Liberals are too proud; we are too "smart" for our own good. The Greeks loved plays in which characters filled with hubris got what was coming to them. These tragic falls from grace are all too common in our world today. People feel good when they see the high-and-mighty take a tumble and so it should come as no surprise that when liberals fail, the everyman in America feels a little bit better sleeping at night.

The biggest benefit of being "dumb" is the ability to make mistakes and never have to explain them. Imagine if Clinton had been "dumb" enough to pull an Iran/Contra excuse. "I do not recall" sounds much better than trying to define "sexual relations". Al Gore would have been better off being a conservative when he "invented the internet"; he would have then been lumped in with Newt and his "women have infections and shouldn't be in the military" statement.

When President Bush says there are weapons of mass destruction all over Iraq and a year later none have been found, we write it off as just another example of his stupidity. His military service, maybe he couldn't find Alabama. 9/11, how could he have known? Confusing Iraq and Afghanistan, it's an easy mistake to make for someone who isn't too bright. Drunk driving, maybe he forgot if he had two drinks or three. President Bush has felt the heat on each of these issues, but has managed to side-step each one with a shrug, a smirk and a straight-forward answer. There is no need for Bush to rationalize or explain, he can simply fall back on his main defense, a lack of knowledge. This is where the liberal's attacks on intelligence pay off for conservatives.

President Bush is no idiot, he may play one on TV, but he is sly enough to know his down-home, good-ol'-boy image pays dividends in the polling booth and when the media starts to ask difficult questions.

The liberal media portrays Bush as a lucky buffoon. He lucked into Yale. He lucked into a job with the Texas Rangers. He lucked into the Governor's house in Texas and he lucked into the Oval Office. Maybe it is time to give credit to George W. Bush for being a shrewd politician and an intelligent man. Maybe it is time for liberals to step back from our attacks on conservatives and their intelligence and see just where those attacks have gotten us. Maybe it is time to admit that we aren't as smart as we think we are.

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Jon Eekhoff is a teacher in Western Washington, and one of the 5 greatest basketball players to hail from Lemoore, California.